Geek Jokes

• There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't
• If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0
• I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
• Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you
• In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
• Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk
• I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
• The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX
• A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax
• Unix, DOS and Windows...the good, the bad and the ugly
• A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
• The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong
• UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity
• Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
• C://dos
  C://dos.run
  run.dos.run
• You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead
• JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!
• 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
• Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Never drink & derive
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer
• Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button
• It's not bogus, it's an IBM standard
• Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!
• The farther south you go, the more dollar stores there are
• Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers
• The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers
• If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won't mar the furniture
• COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning
• LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses
• The beginning of the programmer's wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program
• Squash one bug, you'll see ten new bugs popping
• Everytime i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs
• boast = blogging is open & amiable sharing of thoughts
• We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again
• Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted
• If it weren't for C, we'd all be programming in BASI and OBO
• Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner
• Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut
• Unrecognized input, get out of the class
• Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler !
• WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER
• Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
• Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
• Best file compression around: "rm *.*" = 100% compression
• Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is "c:\> hack into fbi"
• BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
• I survived an NT installation
• The name is Baud......James Baud
• My new car runs at 56Kbps
• Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
• File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• Cannot read data, leech the next boy's paper? (Y/N)
• CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
• Does fuzzy logic tickle?
• Helpdesk : Sir, you need to add 10GB space to your HD , Customer : Could you please tell where I can download that?
• Windows: Just another pane in the glass
• Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
• RAM disk is not an installation procedure
• Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
• The truth is out there...anybody got the URL?
• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
• E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage
• Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
• All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
• Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue
• Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Mouse not attached. Please left click the 'OK' button to continue
• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
• Press every key to continue
• Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where's that 'any key'..
• Idiot, Go ahead, make my data!
• Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources
• To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so
• (001) Logical Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing
• Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONKIA.SYS
• (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
• Computers can never replace human stupidity
• A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)
• (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?
• Bugs come in through open Windows
• Penguins love cold, they wont survive the sun
• Unix is user friendly...its just selective about who its friends are
• Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity
• Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
• To err is human...to really foul up requires the root password.
• Invalid password : Please enter the correct password to (Abort / Retry / Ignore )
• FUBAR - where Geeks go for a drink
• I degaussed my girlfriend and I'm just not attracted to her anymore
• Scandisk : Found 2 bad sectors. Please enter a new HD to continue scanning
• Black holes are where God divided by zero
• Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
• Thank god, my baby just compiled
• Yes! My code compiled, and my wife just produced the output
• Windows 98 supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash simultaneously
• Zap! And there was the blue screen !
• Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost :-)
• MailerD(a)emon: You just received 9133547 spam. (O)pen all, (R)ead one by one, (C)heck for more spam
• A: Can you teach me how to use a computer? B: No. I just fix the machines, I don't use them
• PayPal: Your funds have been frozen for 668974 days
• 1-800-404 : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist
• 1-800-403 : Access to that subscriber was denied
• Error message: "Out of paper on drive D:"
• If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I'd antialias my graphics!
• A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
• "Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye Captain. 300 dpi?"
• Smith & Wesson: The Original Point And Click Interface
• Shout onto a newsgroup : It echoes back flames and spam
• Firewall : Intruder detected. (A)llow in (D)eactivate the firewall
• Real programmers can write assembly code in any language
• Warning! Perl script detected! (K)ill it , (D)eactivate it
• Firewall : Do you want to place a motion detector on port 80 ?
• Helpdesk: Sir, please refill your ink catridges Customer : Where can i download that?
• All computers run at the same speed... with the power off
• You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out
• Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.
• Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel
• Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet
• Shut up, or i'll flush you out
• Cron : Enter cron command \ Now enter the number of minutes in an hour
• We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal
• You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes.
• I'm sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you
• Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway
• Webhost livehelp: Sir you ran out of bandwidth, User: Where can I download that?
• If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don't understand the question
• Having soundcards is nice... having embedded sound in web pages is not
• My computer was full, so I deleted everything on the right half
• You have received a new mail which is 195537 hours old
• Yahoo! Mail: Your email was sent successfully. The email will delivered in 4 days and 8 hours
• I'm sorry for the double slash (Tim Berners-Lee in a Panel Discussion, WWW7, Brisbane, 1998)
• Ah, young webmaster... java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to realaudio. And realaudio leads to suffering
• What color do you want that database?
• C++ is a write-only language, once can write programs in C++, but I can't read any of them
• As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code
• earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can
• A typical yahoo chat room: "A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out.."
• When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop
• Warning! No processor found! Press any key to continue
• Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product
• NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands
• Warning! Kernel crashed, Run for your lives !
• NASA uses Windows? Oh great. If Apollo 13 went off course today the manual would just tell them to open the airlock, flush the astronauts out, and re-install new one
• JavaScript: An authorizing language designed to make Netscape crash
• How's my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL
• Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls - my PC speaker crashed NT
• root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is 'a_49qwXk'
• New linux package released. Please install on /dev/null
• Quake and uptime do not like each other
• Unix...best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038
• As you well know, magic and weapons are prohibited inside the cafeteria -- Final Fantasy VIII
• Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labo
• Unix is the only virus with a command line interface
• Windows 95 makes Unix look like an operating system
• How are we supposed to hack your system if it's always down!
• God is real, unless declared integer
• I'm tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week?
• Paypal : Please enter your credit card number to continue
• It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions
• Please help - firewall burnt down - lost packet - reward $$$
• If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery
• Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle
• Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption
• Norton: Incoming virus - (D)ownload and save (R)un after download
• I had a dream... and there were 1's and 0's everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!
• You sir, are an unknown USB device driver
• C isn't that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void

Got it from: http://www.kailashnadh.name/docs/geek_jokes/

Very nice collection, some are great pranks to play

Sending mail from Localhost

After a long time, I got this working, hence logging it on my blog so that I can refer to it later.

The softwares I have used:

1. XAMPP
2. Notepad
3. Hotmail ID

It can be difficult getting the PHP’s default mail functions to work when you run an apache server on windows instead of a unix environment. I ran into this problem with my server (running XAMPP), and thought others may benefit from a quick how-to. Another slight problem I had to get working was using an SMTP server that requires SSL connections (gmail for one). I didn’t realize that most recent XAMPP releases have sendmail built in already. This takes part of the hassel out, but we still have some configuring to do.

First, ensure that you have an XAMPP release that does include the fake sendmail program. 

Next, go to the XAMPP directory (often C:\xampp\), then open the ’sendmail’ subdirectory. You’ll most likely see the following files (default): 

sendmail.exe

readme.html

sendmail.ini

sendmail_example.ini

license.html

Open the file sendmail.ini – this is where all of your SMTP server configurations will go, for example: SMTP Username, Password, Host, Port, etc 

My sendmail.ini file looks something like this:

; configuration for fake sendmail

[sendmail]

smtp_server=smtp.gmail.com

smtp_port=465

; SMTPS (SSL) support

; auto = use SSL for port 465, otherwise try to use TLS

; ssl = alway use SSL

; tls = always use TLS

; none = never try to use SSL

smtp_ssl=auto

default_domain=brettshaffer.com

error_logfile=error.log

; if your smtp server requires authentication, modify the following two lines

auth_username=

auth_password=

Note that this is a very simple setup. The variable names are fairly obvious, so simply fill in the SMTP server, port, ssl mode, username, password, and default domain / error log if you’d like.

GMail requires an SSL connection, so my config was setup to use SSL port 465 and smtp_ssl=auto. If SSL is not necessary for your SMTP server, simply set smtp_ssl=none.

Once the configuration is setup, make sure to save changes, then exit.

If you are going to use SSL connections, you will need two additional files, available here (as of March 2009) – if this link no longer works, use the contact form and let me know. 

Extract the two compressed files (libeay32.dll and ssleay32.dll) to the same directory as sendmail.exe (for me, C:\xampp\sendmail\)

Now, everything on the sendmail’s end is setup – now we just need to let the server know its there!

Edit your PHP.ini file: 

XAMPP installations often have multiple files. If you are doubtful of the correct one, you can always go through and change them all. But before you do that, change the php.ini in \xampp\apache\bin\.

Look for the following line:

sendmail_path = “C:\xampp\sendmail\sendmail.exe -t”

Uncomment the line (if already commented) by removing the semicolon at the start.

Ensure that the path to sendmail.exe is correct (this is correct for me).

Save and exit php.ini

Restart the apache server and everything should work! 

Comment if you have a question.

Referred Article: http://forums.tizag.com/showthread.php?t=17160

The above article is from the forum, but I found a more easier way of doing it.

in the sendmail.ini there is a sample account for hotmail, do the following steps:

1. Put the concerned value in the configuration, username and password
2. change the last line of default account to "Hotmail"
3. comment every option in the [mail_function] of php.ini and keep sendmail_path as uncommented
4. restart server and start sending emails
5. You can even send on someone others email id, this is a little problem here and the cause of spam

my php.ini for mail_function:

[mail function]

; For Win32 only.

; http://php.net/smtp

;SMTP = smra.bsnl.in

; http://php.net/smtp-port

;smtp_port = 25

; For Win32 only.

; http://php.net/sendmail-from

;sendmail_from = postmaster@localhost

; For Unix only.  You may supply arguments as well (default: "sendmail -t -i").

; http://php.net/sendmail-path

sendmail_path = "\"C:\xampp\sendmail\sendmail.exe\" -t"

; Force the addition of the specified parameters to be passed as extra parameters

; to the sendmail binary. These parameters will always replace the value of

; the 5th parameter to mail(), even in safe mode.

;mail.force_extra_parameters =

; Add X-PHP-Originating-Script: that will include uid of the script followed by the filename

mail.add_x_header = Off

; Log all mail() calls including the full path of the script, line #, to address and headers

mail.log = "C:\xampp\apache\logs\php_mail.log"

my sendmail.ini for the same:

# Example for a user configuration file

# Set default values for all following accounts.

defaults

logfile "C:\xampp\sendmail\sendmail.log"

# Mercury

account Mercury

host localhost

from postmaster@localhost

auth off

# A freemail service example

account Hotmail

tls on

tls_certcheck off

host smtp.live.com

from rewari_19@hotmail.com

auth on

user rewari_19@hotmail.com

password YOURPASSWORD

# Set a default account

account default : Hotmail

Its working for me now. Thank you 

This is what I call a 'poem'.

This poem written by an African child was nominated for the best poem of 2005:

"     When I born, I black:
      When I grow up, I black;
      When I go in sun, I black;
      When I scared, I black;
      When I sick, I black &
      When I die I still black.

      And you white fellows:

      When you born, u pink;
      When u grow up, u white;
      When u go in sun, u red;
      When u cold, u blue;
      When u scared, u yellow;
      When u sick, u green;
      When u die, u grey;
      

...................and you call me coloured????

"

My Life is a message

Each of us lives a life that expresses who we are, reacts to the world around us, shows our passions, reflects our deep river of feeling and being.

We might sing out in joy, through our words and actions and expressions, we might hide in fear and pain, we might lash out in anger. Every thing we do, everything we are, expresses.

Gandhi’s message was his life, and yours is your life. What message are you giving the world, through your actions, how you live, how you treat others, what you accomplish, how you choose to be, every moment of every day?

Are you an angry rant? A ballad? An epic poem?

Perhaps a sonnet, a limerick, a haiku?

If your life is a poem, what do you want it to say? What would you rather leave out? What will the essence be?

-Gandhi

Enjoy each moment as the perfect syllable, recognize the lyrical in the everyday, and sink your teeth softly into that cold delicious fruit.

A new approach

"Sometimes Life changes and it changes you"

Well I am exactly in that position now, slowly life is changing and I am getting more interesting things to do and I am overloaded with work on my head.

So I am thinking of starting with a new approach to take things.

Lately I am wasting a lot of time, which I hate the most part, time is such an important thing that even God respects it, the time is the change that is constant.

Lately I have been into lots of juggling, which was earlier fine when there was no peer pressure but juggling is a bad habit and I want to leave it asap.

Juggling for me is changing the task at hand before a task is completed, it is a distraction and a bigger one.

The answer to this is single-tasking.

Now I will take a new approach, to focus on single tasking and doing one task at a time with giving 100% attention to it.

If studying then only concentration only to studies
If doing some work then only that work should be the focus and nothing in hand.

One problem is mind wavering, for this I will be using a pen and paper and write that point down whatever and whenever it comes to my mind.

Will revert back to this post after a week to see the changes in the working.

For now, it is getting late,

shaba kher

shubh ratri, sayonara

yours Vishi

Semester - Project

Hello,

I am doing the semester project in the college, this is the final semester project.

the topic is KMS - knowledge management system

the aim is to simplify the way and provide the college a platform to maintain their knowledge, it is kind of big project specially as we are taking LD college of engineering as the reference.

I am working with my friend - Kaushik, on this project.

The project is in PHP,MySQL because we wanted our project to be fully open-sourced

We are not out here to make the system for the college, this is the project from a student`s view how knowledge in the college must be maintained.

Good night, shabha kher, shubh-ratri

love

vishi

Why Wave !!

Recently ran across an article on wave and comparison with other services such as

• Email
• Instant Messenger
• Google Docs
• Wikis 
• Forums

Nice comparison, thanks to Gawker.com for the picture.

(Click on the pic for a bigger view)